Break out your aluminum pole, because Sunday is Festivus. It wouldn’t hurt for Columbus to participate in the Airing of Grievances.
Festivus, celebrated typically on Dec. 23, is considered a secular holiday as a response to the commercialism and pressures of the Christmas season. It got worldwide attention in December 1997 with an episode of “Seinfeld” as character Frank Costanza described it as a holiday free of gifts and other materialistic things, what is often quoted as “A Festivus for the rest of us!” It was based on the writer of the episode, whose father created the holiday and had his family participate. Today, many people across the world celebrate the spoof holiday throughout December.
The episode showed the holiday featuring an Airing of Grievances, where families and friends have the chance to share with one another how they were disappointed by someone else in the past year. There also was a traditional dinner (meatloaf) and “Feats of Strength” (when the head of the household is wrestled and pinned to the floor).
So we present our readers’ and our own airing of grievances:
-When The Telegram can be read in five minutes because it’s two sections of six pages.
- Your statement would be more effective if you didn’t reply with, “I didn’t read that,” or “I didn’t see that,” when dozens of local stories are cited.
- The need for more crime in the newspaper.
- The people who complain about The Telegram running too much crime and highlighting negative subjects in the paper.
- The need for more jail blotter in the newspaper.
- The people who demand their arrests are not printed in the newspaper because it’s not anyone’s business.
- When there’s a mistake in the newspaper.
- Typos - An error (as of spelling) in typed or typeset material, not because we don’t know how to spell it, but because it was a human error as we work on numerous things at once. We hate it, too.
- “You spelled Lindsey, Nebraska, wrong.”
- Actually, you’re spelling LINDSAY, Nebraska wrong. Ask the good folks who live there.
- The people who tell us they want to see more divorce proceedings in the newspaper.
- The people who yell about their divorce proceedings being printed in the newspaper.
- When you don’t get my newspaper delivered.
- When you freak out at our local staff because your paper was missed once or twice in a year.
- The Telegram won’t write the great story I told them about!
- When a reader says he or she has a great story, but won’t go on the record or provide any substantial information.
- People who don’t get the paper but complain to us about lack of local sports content because they don’t see it on Facebook.
- The Telegram not giving me the news that is mine for free.
- People every day have to collect and compile the news so you can stay easily informed and not miss what’s happening as you go about your life. Local journalists matter.
- The people who say, “Journalists are idiots – it’s an easy job,” yet don’t apply when we tell them we’re accepting applications. Come join us – we dare you!
- The price of the newspaper.
- The price of gas, food, clothes, water, electric, rent, taxes, etc., etc.
- Property taxes.
- Hearing the governor talk about cutting property taxes … again. Just do it.
OK, OK. Here are some others:
-People who pass on the right when you’re on the left and already speeding.
- People who drive on the left no matter how fast they are going.
- The lack of sensitivity in the world.
- Those who ruined “Charlie Brown” specials and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”
- People who don’t slow down behind me when I am turning my car.
- People who think turn signals are optional.
- There being only two or three lanes open at Walmart or the grocery stores during the holidays when dozens of people are trying to check out.
- Jerky customers who don’t understand busy times.
- Ohio State fans (Go Huskers!)
- No counter to Ohio State fans, we generally agree.
All this is in good fun and we appreciate our readers and those who support local journalism.
Eat. Drink. Be festive. Be safe and Happy Festivus.